Haircut

Darling, You Should Keep And Cut Your Hair

"And in a funny way, the shaving of my, uh, head has been a liberation from, uh, a lot of, uh, stupid vanities really. Uh, it has simplified everything for me, it has opened a lot of doors maybe." - Yul Brynner

Today, this morning, ‘Sinners’ was nominated for the most awards a movie has ever been nominated for. And I was lazily drinking coffee at home as this permeated slowly through my system, along with the caffeine and the sunshine from outside, strong and clean. This is a confession: I have not seen ‘Sinners.’ This can be interpreted many ways but suffice to say I am mostly a non-viewer of contemporary movies. Old movies that make their way back into the local repertory theaters? Absolutely. On the day David Lynch died I had a ticket (singular) for a screening of ‘Blue Velvet’ in 35mm, scheduled for the day after.

This post is not really about ‘Sinners,’ it is the inciting incident as they might say in a workshop.

What incited from this trivial news (awards? movies? who cares?), though, was remembering how my barber was so inspired by ‘Sinners’ he went out and bought a guitar. He also told me about learning Curtis Mayfield songs. It also crossed my mind I need a haircut, really, so I checked and Johnny had an available appointment in 80 minutes. Plenty of time to shower/bus/hit the cash machine to get tip money. (Side note: my previous hairstylist was my then-gf, we are untogether these days although we remain friendly.)

It was a really gorgeous day, one of those freak spring days you get when it’s too early to be spring and the universe seems to know everyone is suicidally tired of dreariness. It lifted me out of my funk, the feeling of letting myself down late, and other people. I described it on Twitter as a “Frank O’Hara morning,” and there are few things better than a Frank O’Hara morning. As I sit here typing this out I am also reconnecting to the idea I have spent weeks, months, trying to find a way into an essay about being bald

The haircut.

.

Arriving early for my appointment (thank you San Francisco Muni) even after stopping for a cash withdrawal (I rarely carry cash, but today it made me feel like an effective adult to have cash on hand for unpredictable needs) and Johnny was ready to rock as soon as I was checked in. This was probably my 7th or 8th haircut since moving to San Francisco, and I started with seeing Johnny when he was apprenticing still and more affordable. But I stick with him now because he knows my head, and he understands when I decide to make subtle changes to the vibe I need my remaining hair to have.

As predicted, Johnny is excited about the ‘Sinners’ nominations. He forgives me for not having seen it yet, and the conversation veers into the triumph of feeling that we derive from making successful recommendations to people. The conversation bobs and weaves, and as I explain my aversion to seeing contemporary movies I remember a piece of hypocrisy; coming up soon at Balboa Theater is a screening of Jordan Peele’s ‘Nope,’ the only Jordan Peele movie I’ve seen, and one that I was excited to see in its original theatrical run in 2023. Yet we spark into our mutual love for ‘Nope,’ and its deeper themes which emerge from knowing Jordan Peele retired from acting. We talked about the color grading, the sheer imagination of the visuals.

Forgive me, for I have not studied creative non-fiction. I was too busy taking poetry and short fiction during my MFA. I am not sure what the current academic view is on digressive tangents in the personal essay but I am getting us to my point the best way I know how. Right now I can hear ocean waves outside my window and I completely forget how I segued the conversation from ‘Nope’ to head shaving.

The essay I wanted to write about being bald, about hair loss, stemmed from seeing online communities where men encourage each other to embrace shaving their heads as a remedy for emerging bald spots. And I mentioned this to Johnny. And I suggested my stance is... men are trained, conditioned, for an “all or nothing” binary; the ambiguity of hair partial hair loss is seen as an unacceptable weakness which must be countermanded by masculine problem solving.

My baldness began when I was 20. In 2001. It had pretty much completed itself in 2002. Luckily I was carrying around and processing a boatload of trauma and spent much of my twenties not dating, not being normal, not contradicting the expectations you might have of a 20-something sporting a hairstyle I call “the Frasier Crane.” One line I use on a regular basis: “My bald spot is old enough to drink.” Me and my bald spot have been companions for nearly a quarter of a century. In this time only one person, a dear friend, has ever asked or suggested if I contemplated a remedy for it. It never really crossed my mind, I said truthfully.*

The community of men encouraging each other to shave their heads is probably one of the least toxic homosocial spaces online. It’s actually kind of sweet that they have each other. Common posts begin with “is it time?” and photos are presented to the council, and in the comments the general consensus predictably results in “yes, it’s time.” There are follow-up posts showing the post-shave scalp, and a little commentary about the process and the degree of regret, or lack of regret, over the act.

I convey this to Johnny, a professional whose clientele are men in various throes of the hair-having experience, so he has the context clues necessary to understand these torments. We begin to interrogate my observations: does it really represent a binary? (yes) should we care this deeply about our appearance? (no) does shaving one’s head does it make someone vain? (yes, but it’s OK as we all have a part of us that we are vain about.) This last point, to my favor, was suggested by Johnny as being crucial: we are not in a position to look down on someone else’s little vanities. But did establish that shaving your head does not, in fact, liberate you; it succumbs to a social pressure which is absolutely a construct.

And we agree that the concern should be liberating oneself from the expectations of others. Personally, I find aesthetic value in retaining the horseshoe of hair I have left (the “ring” as Pete called it on ‘30 Rock’). But it’s also symbolic of my acceptance that even though I am not in control of this part of me I can embrace the change and still be myself. I’ve had 25-ish years to contemplate the ramifications of my baldness and yet I’ve rarely applied myself to the task. My contemporaries are joining Team Hair Loss and none of us are talking to each other about it.

I wish I could make a convincing case for keeping the hair you have. I think part of the shaving solution is that it is fairly difficult to change a hairstyle successfully, being such a key part of identity. I personally define style as the strategies you use to solve a problem everyone has to solve. We all solve the problem of our hair in the way that works best for us, and in this process we reveal something about our inner nature, whether inadvertently or on-purpose. Shaving seems like an oversimplification, or an abdication of a social contract. But I mean this with love: you do you, man.

The haircut and beard trim finally being accomplished, Johnny said something to me that was worth more than other compliments I’ve received: he said when he saw my name on the schedule for today, he said to himself “alright.” And I think I can relate, I booked the appointment because one of his favorite movies got mega culturally validated, and as predicted he was in a great mood. (I’ll save the parallels between baldness acceptance and cultural awards for a future post.) And maybe, just maybe, this is the way: keep the hair your have, and find a barber you love to talk to 3 or 4 times a year.

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*Actually, recently I had a Hinge match suggest I should shave my head, and I still went over to her house to watch ‘Heated Rivalry,’ and I really liked her so I contemplated shaving my head, until she finally messaged me back that the “chemistry and energy weren’t there.” Also I would like to thank another Hinge match who suggested I should “do Substack” and then unmatched me when after she found out I keep up to date on all my vaccinations.